Friday's Choice

Citizen K. has felt better in his life. He fears that he has reached that age where jalapeno intake must be restricted and monitored. A sleepless night accompanied only by severe acid reflux that brought on fits of coughing has reduced him to a vegetative status. He's in nearly the same condition as The New Orleans Levee ("We don't hold anything back") which made the mistake of putting all of its yuks in one basket, never dreaming in a zillion billion trillion years that voters would actually throw the rascal out...

Like millions of other Americans, I skipped the president's farewell address last night, on the assumption that seven years, eleven months, and fifteen days of indigestible babble and psychotic delusion were quite enough, thank you. Much of it seems to have come back up anyway...

Bush vows retaliation against Canadian geese: "If you think this former fighter pilot won't take flight in my last days in office ... go ahead, make my day..."

Friday's Choice: The Village People say "Keep that New Year's resolution and get your butt up to the gym! Be a 'Macho Man]" (and dig the Indian on the treadmill):

When you're through working out, there's a place you can go even if you're short on your dough. You know where it is: It's fun to stay at the YMCA.