Hoops! Applesauce!

What do you want? This--

or this--

Jon Stewart assesses the entire sordid episode at about the 3:00 point here.

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer reports on an email "scandal" that has "rocked" the Port of Seattle. Eight employees lost their jobs and seven were suspended without pay for their participation in a ring that distributed inappropriate emails. According to reporter Vanessa Ho, one of the emails contained a video "...of a baby suckling on a partially nude woman doing a headstand." 

Now, I happen to have seen that video. A lactation consultant friend sent it to me a while back. What she found cute and I found charming has the Port of Seattle in dither and Vanessa Ho up in arms over kiddie porn. Judge for yourself:

There's more to it than this, of course, but is the whole business really worth taking away the livelihoods of eight people in a down economy? Port Chief Executive Tay Yoshitani thinks so: "This is especially disappointing as we have been clear with staff about our expectations that employees read, understand and abide by the port's policies."

I'm a flaming liberal. There's no room in any workplace for harassment or discrimination. But there are effective ways of handling the problematic emails without firing people. Plus, this is a port, for God's sake. What kind of language does Yoshitani think the average stevedore uses? Somehow I doubt it, but maybe there really are guidelines like these:

DON'T say @(*^#@)!?!*

DO say "Golly"

DON'T say ^&#)*!@%*!  #!

DO say "My goodness"

DON'T say *@)+-@^?"!!  *>^#}!!!

DO say "Hoops! Applesauce!" 

Example: Steve Dore drops a 200-lb crate on his foot. Steve's old response would have been to react irrationally and scream in pain that "*&$ #%^@ it! That @#&*?^$!*^ing crate just broke my #*^?ing foot!!! Somebody call the #*^?ing EMTs!"  Now he knows to take a deep breath, count to ten, and respond appropriately: "Yumpin' Yiminy but this gol-durn crate was darn heavy! Applesauce it! Could somebody please dial 911?" 

Ya think?